“I am not a saint, I am noise,” comes straight from the scribbled pages of Joan Baez’s childhood diary, a rather mature self-proclamation for a 13-year-old.
Released on Oct 6, the documentary “Joan Baez I Am Noise,” paints a vulnerable portrait of a woman known to the world as an angelic ornament of the 1960s, from folk music stages to Civil Rights marches. Directors Miri Navasky, Maeve O’Boyle, and Karen O’Connor break down Baez’s empowered figure to reveal a girl that hid her anxieties behind an acoustic guitar, chronicling her interpersonal trauma in an archival mosaic. With access to seemingly every inch of Baez’s documented memory, the directors’ portrayal of Baez prospers through its use of her cursive journal entries, enigmatic sketches, tape-recorded therapy sessions, letters, vintage photographs and archival footage of Baez and her family.
Nostalgia plays a bitter role in this recollection of Baez. She calls it the “bone-shattering task of remembering,” in a letter to her parents, Albert and Joan Baez. Raised by Quakers, Baez remembers a childhood tainted with moments where she felt desolate and chained to what she describes as “darkness” – with no explanation of why. Anxious monologues took up space in her mind and her journal, haunting her throughout the entirety of her music and activism careers.
While Baez started therapy at 16, she was already a barefoot sensation at the Newport Folk Festival just two years later, and fame caught her in its web before she was able to heal her childhood wounds, let alone uncover their roots. The world saw her as a frolicking symbol of peace, and for better or worse, that is how she saw herself, too — ignorant to her inner chaos.
So it lurked – following her through her first relationship with Kim Chappell, with whom she wrote the anti-war song “All the World Has Gone By,”; her love affair with the prodigal Bob Dylan, before he was anything but a “tattered little shamble of a human being” looking for a mother and somewhere to play his harmonica; and her marriage to activist David Harris which amounted to a pregnant Baez and Harris in jail for draft evasion. They divorced five years later. At 79 years old during the time of filming, Baez can confess that the thread running through these relationships is her inability to be intimate. “All the love was there, but it was unavailable,” she said.
In reference to her public persona Baez says, “I am not good with one-on-one relationships, I’m good with one-on-two thousand relationships.” The crowds that flocked to Baez’s honey-coated vibrato and the following she cultivated from her commitment to nonviolent resistance during the Civil Rights Movement are among her successful relationships. The documentary includes snippets from her 2018 farewell tour, illustrating the relationship between Baez and her audiences that still thrives even after six decades. Her son, Gabriel Harris, traveled with her on this tour as part of her band, allowing Baez the opportunity to tap into the vulnerability she composes in front of a crowd, in the context of their mother-and-son relationship – the only one-on-one relationship she’s had a chance to remedy.
Family is a recurring obstacle for Baez throughout this documentary. Her traumatic childhood as well as its residue on her inner and outer worlds was something hidden from her publicized image. It was also — until recently — absent from Baez’s understanding of herself. Sifting through her mother’s storage unit, Baez recalls the therapy she and her younger sister — folk singer Mimi Fariña – did later in life to recover repressed memories of their father’s sexual abuse. Elusive, unacknowledged, and denied by her parents, these memories swam in a deep emotional well Baez lacked conscious access to.
When speaking, Baez explains her struggles with mental health loosley. The documentary instead leans heavily on the vulnerable pages of her past journals. The word she uses for her episodes of darkness isn’t “unhappy” but rather “lost.” It’s almost as if she was exhausting her pen to find an answer. Animated sketches of animals and crumpled silhouettes are accompanied by raw and unprocessed thoughts scribbled in inky cursive — Baez’s mind is portrayed through a collage of well-preserved fragments of paper.
Anyone who resonates with the dark corners of Baez’s mind can come away from this documentary with a painfully honest path to reaching their own island of calm. With what’s left of her memory, Baez wades in a pool of forgiveness — whether or not she’s earned it doesn’t seem to matter. You can only look back at the life trailing behind you for so long.
In 1956 I got my guitar and began playing rock and roll until 1958 when I was “blown away” with folk music! I loved Joan Baez, Kingston Trio, Odetta, Peter Paul and Mary and carried their music to college. I recently watched the documentary on Joan and was saddened to find out the traumatic issues she struggled with in her life. I admire her that much more for being able to deal with such difficulties and still give such beautiful music to the world. God bless you Joan Baez!
I graduated HS 1971- Joan Baez gave me a consciousness of social justice, her music was a deep message to my heart, her natural beauty-inspiration. I still can’t hear her music without getting tearful; she was my generations muse without a doubt.
So grateful I grew up in her time. Thank you Joan for your music of the soul.
Where is Kim Chappell now
Baez has always been a major piece of my life. Back in 68+69 I was hitchhiking up and down hwy1 at the young age of 17-18. Richard and Mimi picked me up in Carmel and dropped me off in Monterey on one of my many trips up and down the coast hwy. We talked about the Viet Nam war, our thinking was the same.what a time to be alive.
Thank you for the noise..
CPS🌲🌲🌲🌅🌲🌲🌲
In my early 20’s I was playing one of her songs. My mother commented on her wonderful voice. Many years later my wife and I were able to take mom to a Joan Baez concert. Still a cherished memory.
What i remember is her singing on the bus. Just glorious music and voice to listen too all through my life. The gift and wealth of her music will live on and can’t be surpassed or replaced.
This was, for me, a powerful and moving picture of Joan Baez. I only got to see and hear perform twice, in the late 80s at the revived Newport festival, and in 2019 in Boston on her farewwll tour. I love and respect her more than ever as a person and a musician.
Besides deeply enjoying her beautiful voice, civil right and peace activism, Joan came out as bisexual when it wasn’t a plus on an entertainer’s career. That simple statement from someone I esteemed so much, had a profound resonance with me and helped me accept my own sexuality. Thank you, you beautiful lady.
This was a painful film in parts but hopeful by the end
Joanie and her gang of poets, geniuses,and heroic leaders of the past sixty years have been woven into the fabric of my/ our lives. Thank you for documenting the story of her life and her journey.
I haven’t yet seen the movie yet though the forces of good are attempting to get it to be shown locally. I am told I appear briefly, sitting in the audience in 2018 in NYC at the
Beacon Theatre!
Joan Baez and Joni Mitchell took me through my young years and infused me with Everything Beautiful and Brilliant. Their presence is woven into the Taspetry of my Consciousness! How fortunate AM I ? ! ! !
Just saw this documentary. It is moving, informative, funny and entertaining. Quite a tribute to a fine entertainer and person.
I thoroughly enjoyed this documentary and I now understand more of Joan’s artistic and musical talent. She confirms that whether we are famous or not, we all have a story, and many times that story is the toughest at an earlier age. Joan, you added so much to our generation.
An exceptional Artist And human being.. every aspect of her life
All the pluses and minuses are remarkable we each should strive to enhance our lives.
Milo Wilson,USMC
Joan Baez, you have always sang, playing music 🎶 of peace and love 💕. I am sorry for the horrible past that has surfaced for you to deal with & hopefully your spirit will continue to heal. You have always been a favorite person, musician to me. May you continue to be the worrior for love that you have been. Thank you for your gifts in music
Incredible window into Joan Baez’s mind.
No doubt, her creativity and ability to express so beautifully with her voice saved her in many ways. ❤️ We love you, Joanie!
Loved Joan and her music. Her voice sounded like beautiful bells and her message of compassion was so on the mark. She will always be special to me.
The noise drowns out the pain. You don’t overcome sexual abuse. You learn to live with it, however you can. Forgiveness is not for the perpetrator. It for the victim to release the negative energy holding them back from being able to find joy in life.
Just saw this moving and fascinating doc yesterday. Highly recommend. I disagree with the comment that Baez hasn’t overcome her self doubt. By the end of the the film, she does talk about being the happiest she’s ever been, and feeling content with her newfound peace.
We hope to get to see the picture in Sweden. All my best wishes for Joan.
Joan Baez will always be someone special to me- the beautiful folk queen with voice of an angel. No past hurts or violations will detract from her legacy!
This stayed with me. Fame at that age is incomprehensible. Sexual abuse by a parent who denied it is terrifying. If her story saves one person it’s worth the viewing.
Baez documentary reveals a syndrome all-too-often experienced by high profile entertainers and sportspeople. Adored by fans who elevate them to an unrealistic pedestal, but full of self-doubt, reluctant to accept the legitimacy of their unambiguous talent. It’s a tragedy that Baez has not overcome that even at this late stage in her life. Her music still fills me with joy.
I haven’t been able to find this on Prime. I wonder why.
Can’t wait to see this movie. She sounds like me.
I love Joan Baez. She is so very wonderful. Her talent exceeds just about all things and people. Her sense of humanity and sanity are second to none. I used to like Bob Dylan but now I don’t
I always loved Joan and her work. I appreciate learning more about her from your articles. Thank you!
One of my most favorite singers. I had been enthralled by her music during my younger days and continues for ever. Most revered of all Country and folk musicians. Her revolutionary and human rights attitude is appreciable beyond judgement. Love her. My dream was and will be to attend one of her shows but alas it may not be possible in this lifetime. Thanks Joan, you bring the best memories. May you live for ever.
I consider myself fortunate to have attended her concert in Canberra a few years ago. She is part of my life.
I’m a fan and I feel for her. Never thought she was going through this until this insightful article.
What can you say about baez. Mystical, untouchable but no one you admire more or want to see her crooked smile. So much more than Dylan. She needs to know that. Favorite song- gulf winds.
Baez is a great reality of her own and open in a wide range of ways that we need in the future for life to be operating fully