Love, Lucy is the New School Free Press’ weekly advice column, where writers anonymously share thoughtfully researched solutions to your questions about life. Send submissions through Love, Lucy’s official Google Form, and you might hear back from Lucy herself. This week we are talking about feeling homesick and settling into a new city.

Dear Lucy,

I’m feeling homesick and struggling to adjust to life at college. How do I cope with being away from home and adjusting to a new environment?

From,

No Place Like Home

Dear No Place Like Home,

No matter if you’ve moved from one side of the world to the other, or even just from the Bronx to the Bowery, leaving home — especially for the first time — can be a very stressful ordeal. 

Trying to find your footing in unfamiliar places is difficult, and combined with cultural differences and the loss of your social network, the desire to just leave it all behind and return home may sometimes seem more appealing. But it’s important to remember that, even when homesickness is overwhelming, it is temporary, and you are not alone.

A 2016 survey conducted by UCLA found that 71.4% of college students experience homesickness.

Adjusting can be especially hard in the first few months of college. Another 2016 research study, published in the psychological journal Emotion, found that roughly 94% of college students reported feeling homesickness during their first semester. 

So while it might create feelings of isolation and loneliness, homesickness is a common experience. It is always OK to reach out to friends, family, or even people in the surrounding community if you are finding it hard to cope with the emotions of being away from home.

Even though I am only a two-hour drive from my hometown, and can visit friends and family throughout the year, home can still feel like it’s a whole world away. When I first came to the city, trying to build connections to my new environment felt like a fruitless effort at times. It took me almost two years of living in New York before I started feeling grounded. Finding cool bookstores and coffee shops, going to concerts, and even figuring out my preferred way to walk to school helped me adjust. Building new connections wherever you are in a present moment is a great way to help with homesickness. 

Though it may seem difficult to find community in a new place, it’s there if you look for it. But if you’re having trouble, know that you’re not the only one. A new study found that 76% of New School students feel disconnected from one another.

But community is all around us, whether or not we know it. The New School has a number of clubs and organizations that students can join, including: gender-inclusive sports teams, such as the volleyball team and the Rock Climbing Collective; art clubs, like the New Film Club and the Parsons Printmaking club; community organizations, such as the Gender and Sexuality Alliance, which hosted a drag gala last month for National Coming Out Day.

International students can experience an even higher level of homesickness than their peers, according to a study published in the Journal of Psychology. 

International Student & Scholar Services (ISSS) at The New School offers resources to help international students find community and cope with culture shock on campus. They work with a nonprofit called One To World that is dedicated to helping international students in New York City find their footing and build community.

Dean of Students Shondrika Merritt is having another Thanksgiving event this year for any students unable to travel during the holiday or for those simply looking for a way to connect with their community and have a good meal together over the short break. If you so choose, you do not have to spend the break alone.

Needless to say, there are plenty of events happening at The New School that are open to all students, so there is always something to do. 

Going to events outside of school is also a great way to engage with your new surroundings. An amazing thing about New York City is that there is truly something for everyone here, so your people are out there somewhere even if you haven’t met them yet. There are literally tons of different events happening all over the city every single day — including activities that are  accessible and affordable. 

The New School offers a number of student discounts to things all around the city, such as free entry to the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA) and pay-what-you-wish for the Natural History Museum. Carnegie Hall offers a discount program where students can get low rates for shows. Even some record stores and coffee shops hold free events from time to time. 

One fabulous spot is For the Record in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, which regularly hosts free listening parties for new or upcoming releases, often accessible for all ages. Another lovely spot, Pete’s Candy Store, a bar on Lorimer Street in Williamsburg, has free events and shows nearly every day of the week. The New School’s own Lola Quinn, an indie folk singer-songwriter, occasionally plays shows there. 

Suffice to say, no matter what you are passionate about, there is something for you to do and enjoy and there are others who will share the same interest. It just might take a little extra digging.

Exploring your surroundings can be an essential part of coping with homesickness. You have to find the parts of your new home that resonate with you; you have to make this place your own.

Going out and learning about the place you live in is a reliable way to put down your roots in a new city. Otherwise, you might find yourself unable to settle in. Walking around and finding shops, parks, and restaurants that speak to you can be a great way to make your space feel more familiar, and can help you get the most out of your time here. There are restaurants all over the city, from an abundance of different locales and cultures, so you can always find food that gives you a taste of home.

You will always miss home, but one day you may miss the time you spent here too.

Growing up means missing the past – the places we’ve been and the people we’ve met. The best we can do is learn to live with the longing. It is a good reminder that no matter where we go, there are people in the world who love us — who fill our hearts so much that we get to miss them when we’re away.

That thought alone has given me so much strength as I’ve worked to plant new roots and look more positively toward the future. Now, when I go visit home, I feel a pang of longing for New York as well.