Spring semester means that there are hundreds of seniors across The New School who are looking to do anything and everything except their senior capstone or thesis. Working on capstone is just endless pain and involves too much thinking. Here are things you can do to completely avoid it.

1) Watch three seasons of “Transparent” in one sitting.

And finally understand why Jeffrey Tambor has gotten all the awards.

2) Make an entire roast chicken, potatoes and veggies for dinner.

Meal prep for the week is done!

3) Investigate why your letter from Hogwarts is 10 years late.

‘Yer a wizard, Odalis.’

4) Watch 40 minutes of Sausage Party, stop and question your entire existence.

“Sausage Party,” now available on Netflix.

5) Explore new makeup looks and try on various outfits for all the outings you can’t go on.

Sadly, we are not all Cher from Clueless with a magic outfit computer.

6) Use nearest Floo Network portal to visit Diagon Alley and pick up school supplies. Because being in Potions class with Professor Snape is infinitely better than doing your capstone outline.

Don’t forget to ENUNCIATE!

7) Write a silly article for the New School Free Press.

So pumped that my editors let me get away with this.

8) Buy more books completely unrelated to your capstone/thesis and absolutely do not need.

When else am I going to find the complete works of Jane Austen, bound in leather, for
the great price of $7.99?

9) Defeat the Dark Lord AKA He Who Shall Not Be Named AKA Lord Voldemort.

He never knew love and neither does my capstone.


Illustrations by Alex Gilbeaux

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