Buy My Love

College Students Dating for Money

Some names in this article have been altered to protect the privacy of the subjects.

When Rachel, a 20-year-old full time New York University nursing student, was offered to fly first class to Europe by Andrew, she jumped at the chance. Rachel looks like the prom queen from a teen movie — six feet tall, long blonde hair, big breasts and a slim waist.

Andrew, a foreign professor at a prominent New York City college, met Rachel on the website SeekingArrangement.com, a site that pairs rich men with younger women.

For a one-time fee, “Sugar Daddies” and “Sugar Mommies” sign up, inserting personal information such as their monthly income, net worth and their preferred arrangement type —  “Sugar Baby” (male) or “Sugar Baby” (female).

When Rachel arrived at the airport, a car service was waiting to take her to one of the nicest hotels in Europe. She and Andrew spent the weekend going to the theater, eating at five-star restaurants and attending lavish art gallery parties. Andrew paid for every expense.

Recently, a string of websites have popped up advertising younger girls to date older men for money or gifts. Meeting grounds like Sugardaddie.com and SeekingArrangement.com are just two of the more popular websites.

In 2011, SeekingArrangement had over 800,000 members, according to The New York Times. Membership has increased since then. “Twelve girls for each guy… Spoil them and they spoil you,” SeekingArrangement’s headliner reads.

Brandon Wade, founder of SeekingArrangement, claims that the site “gives singles the ability to offer another person an incentive to give them a chance at a first date.” But this is not another OkCupid or Match.com.

“[SeekingArrangement] is a self-empowered movement,”said Wade, who would only be contacted through a Facebook chat. “It empowers men and women to take their love lives into their own hands.”

“[The site] attracts people who are more open minded in their thinking and who are independent, in the sense that they aren’t worried so much about what other people have to say,” he said.

Earlier this year, Wade created Carrot Dating, a mobile app with the tagline, “Bribe your way to a date” and a publicity campaign showcasing photographs of Wade waving carrots in front of females.

In a Huffington Post article, “Carrot Dating App Encourages Bribery, Borderline Prostitution,” Wade defined ‘carrot dating’ as way to entice women out on dates through bribery.

As an online dating incentive, the Carrot Dating app entails the same payoff concept as SeekingArrangement, in which members use objects instead of money to gain dates.

Although Wade believes that his websites relieve first-date stress, others view these sites as ways to encourages prostitution and bribery.

Robert Weitzer, a sociologist specializing in criminal justice and prostitution, has written a book called “Legalizing Prostitution: From Illicit Vice to Lawful Business.” In his article “Prostitution: Facts and Fictions,” Weitzer described the arrangement these women have with their Sugar Daddies as “indoor prostitution.”

“Indoor prostitution is less dangerous than ‘outdoor prostitution’,”he said. “Indoor prostitution, is safer for women and attracts more ‘low risk’ clients.”

When asked if SeekingArrangement was prostitution, Wade responded, “In a way the website achieves a self fulfilling goal of attracting people who are certain of themselves.”

SeekingArrangement’s terms of use never mention cash for sex.

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Rachel, is not usually deterred by what people think of her. She is, however, scared of what her family would think of the arrangements. “I would never tell my sisters I was doing this,” she said.

Rachel heard about these websites from a friend at New York University who was in the Sugar Daddy market. In 2012, SeekingArrangement.com reported 44 percent of its users were female college students.

Melissa, another New York City college student, had a relationship with a Sugar Daddy for two years. Melissa comes from Washington and, with long brown hair, a voluptuous body and dark olive skin, looks like she could be part of the Kardashian clan.

While many contest the actual purpose of these websites, SeekingArrangement appeals to college students for different reasons.

“I am bored and I love having extra money to shop,”Melissa said.

Melissa also said that she is not dating the men for money, though the Sugar Daddy’s always gave her cash.

“We agreed on $200 per date, but whenever I left, he always slipped another $200 into my purse,”she said.

After their first encounter, Andrew e-mailed Rachel a $500 gift card to Topshop and has since given her a $500 Visa gift card.

“I gave him a kiss on the cheek and left. I don’t think he was expecting anything,” Rachel said of saying goodbye after first meeting Andrew.

Rachael first had sex with Andrew after their second date. She later tried going on two other dates from SeekingArrangement, but could not find a fit.

“They were awkward and I would have never let it get as far as it has with me and Andrew,” she said. “I would have never slept with the others, but with Andrew I didn’t feel obligated. It happened really organically.”

Rachel does not plan on doing this forever. “I’ll probably break up with him soon,”she said. “He’s getting clingy.”

When asked if this attitude towards dating could be detrimental in the future, Lisa Rubin, associate psychology professor at The New School for Public Engagement and The New School for Social Research, said, “I suppose it is possible that this could affect future relationships in the way that women, in general, might be more likely than men to have their sexual history scrutinized.”

Though Rubin does not endorse these sites, she added, “to discourage women from ‘SeekingArrangement’ for those reasons would be akin to endorsing what I would construe as really old school notions about women’s sanctity and purity that have been used across history to control women’s sexuality.”

Third wave feminist Christine Wasterlain from Columbia University does not buy it. “This generation does not understand feminism,” she said. “Saying that the girls are doing this with their free will is totally skewed. If you can’t put it on your resume, it’s not a good job.”

 

Correction: January 10, 2014

This article has been corrected from an earlier version to clarify associate psychology professor Lisa Rubin’s title and the context of her quote.